Sam Says Goodbye
by The McQuaid Brothers
Summary: Dean is attacked and killed by the hellhounds when his year is up. How does Sam cope with having to bury his brother? This is basically Sam witnessing Dean's death and having to bury is brother. Oh, Sammy, if there were only someone out there who loved you now.


Sam stood in shock as he watched his big brother get torn to shreds. A certain pain enveloped him as he realized there was nothing he could do. Sam knew as soon as the hellhounds finished tearing Dean up that he would be heading downstairs, but somehow, Sam couldn't possibly imagine a worse hell than this. He couldn't move, he couldn't think. He could only stand there and listen to Dean's cries of agony. But before he knew it, everything stopped. It was as if time stood still. No more hellhounds, no more cries.

No more Dean.

No more witty quips, no more banter. It was all so surreal. His big brother, his best friend, was just gone. He wouldn't hear his rock music playing in the car, or Dean singing along (albeit off tune). Or just his voice. Whether it was his swearing, his constant sarcastic remarks, or that concerned tone and wavering it took on whenever he thought that his little brother was hurt. Dean would never ask him again if he wanted a beer, or takeout, or even which bed in the motel room. It was the little things, that hurt the most. Just the everyday conversations and actions that they made towards each other. And now that Dean was gone, he didn't know what to do, or who to talk to. All Sam wanted to do was turn and consult his brother.

Shuffling his feet, he awkwardly made his way toward his brother's body. Around the neck of the lifeless Dean Winchester was the necklace Sam gave to him all those years ago. He wrapped his fingers around it and gently pulled it off, immediately expecting a response from Dean about how it was such a girly, chick-flick move. Silence answered him. And that was when Sam knew, for sure, that he wasn't coming back.

It could have been minutes, hours, or days later, but next thing he knew he was looking down at his big brother in a box. Bobby was with him, but there were no tears on his face. Sam understood why. Bobby would grieve later, on his own time, because right now he was devoted to Dean.

"Sam," Bobby said, hesitating, "are you going to put the lid on?"

It had been at least five minutes, and all Sam could do was stare at Dean's body. He felt that closing the coffin would make it official. That it would completely shut off any chance he had at contacting his brother for the rest of his life. Not that death didn't already do that.

"Just...just give me a minute," Sam answered. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Bobby knew it too. So, as Sam sat back and watched, Bobby finished attaching the top of the pine coffin.

Sam arrived at the final resting place for Dean not two hours later. In the middle of the woods. Sam had had an idea in his mind. A desperate hope, really. That if Dean could somehow..stick around, then at least Sam could have some sort of connection to his brother, even if it wasn't really him. And if any hunters came along, they would have a hell of a time trying to find Dean's grave. Not that Dean would ever let himself become a monster that needed to be hunted anyway. That was Sam.

After a proper hole was dug, Sam used all his strength and some rope to lower Dean down. And when that was done, he sat down, with his legs dangling over the edge of the pit, and stared at his feet. Just as he normally did when he getting ready to confess his feeling to Dean. He chose this time now to speak, feeling that six feet of Earth was too much of a barrier for his admission to have any meaning.

"Hey, uh, Dean. Um, I know you can't hear me, but I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it, uh, thank you. Thank you, Dean. You've sacrificed so much for me, even when you were never told to. I know that you never really liked to admit it, but you cared. A lot. About all of us, me, Mom, and Dad. And I realize now that I never really let you know how much I appreciated it. At least, not until after you were gone. But I care a lot about you Dean, um, I did. I just wanted you to know that."

When he was done pouring his heart out, he finished the job. Completely burying the coffin and the remains of his brother's body inside. And when he was done, he left a cross as a grave marker. It was selfish of him, Sam knew, but for some reason he wanted to keep this place to himself. Where he could come back if he wanted to and talk. To feel some semblance of comfort from his absent brother. He probably should have let Bobby know where Dean was buried. Especially since he had been like a father to them, but something held him back. It was as if Sam and his lone knowledge of Dean's grave strengthened the severed bond between him and his brother. Sam and Dean had secrets that they kept between themselves, experiences too, even if they were remembered differently by each of them. Now it felt like those memories, those experiences, meant nothing. Nothing except Sam's nostalgia, if he had no one to remember them with. They were the bond to his brother, and without them, the only connection he had now was this. This special place in the woods that only Sam knew about, where Dean would stay and Sam could continually come back too. And he didn't want to share it with anybody.

So, with a final glance, he turned and left. Fighting hard not to look back as he made his way outward toward the road, where he had parked the Impala. But he couldn't resist, and soon felt the warm stream of tears running down his cheeks as he stood halfway between the Impala and the woods where he buried the last member of his family. Sam turned once more, and quickly reached the Impala. It felt weird being in the front seat, unnatural, knowing that it wasn't his place. He belonged in the passenger seat, alongside his big brother.

He had just started the car when a sudden thought occurred to him. Something about what Dean had said once before.

With that thought in mind, he mulled over the idea of putting in an ipod jack and holder over the stereo. Knowing full well that Dean had said if Sam ever did anything to his precious car, he would come back and haunt his ass.


End file.
